The Wife’s Turn For Vacation
Repost of one of a Myspace blog about 3 months ago.
Current mood: bummed
The essence of moral conflict—when the wife’s away
My editor, bedfellow and 40+yr lover is now in upstate New York with her Mother visiting her sister and numerous relatives. My job, for the week, is to disallow the destruction of our house, check on my Mother-in-law’s place periodically, feed the 2 fish in her aquarium, mind her parakeets plus one oversized dog whose sole ambition in life is the development of a co-dependent dysfunctional relationship with whomever happens to be in charge of her at the time.
My job was further complicated by Tristan being so sick he can’t decide if dying is one of the more viable options open to him. I’ll need to keep him breathing until his Mother gets back, or somehow, it will become my fault. The other night he discovered large white blisters on his tonsils, so I packed him off to the doctor. She gave him a military style shot in the butt. (One of those big painful ones designed to kill or cure) She then prescribed steroids to keep his throat from closing and told him he either had strep throat or mono and the lab would let him know in a few days. If it’s mono, she pointed out, he may need a splenectomy. He is praying for strep.
When bringing the bird’s cage home in Gloria’s car, it wouldn’t fit on the back seat upright, so I laid it on its side and the parakeets adjusted accordingly. While I was unloading, the cage partially opened and the yellow budgie was gone like a shot, never to return again. The dog has begun to smell like (what can I say?) a wet dog and I am not about to bathe him. Now I notice that I can only count 1 fish in the tank. I’ve done better work in my life.
I was looking forward to Glow and her Mother coming home. I’m not so sure now. I thought that perhaps, if I went out and bought a yellow bird and added it to the cage, Mom might not know the difference. I’m sure another guppy for the fish tank would work.
I ran the idea past some of the other family members and they were horrified that I would attempt such a thing. Tris, Jen, Beth, and even Ingrid (who always agrees with me) have threatened to rat me out if I even think about. It is unanimous with them that were I to buy a contrasting bird (anything but yellow) and come clean with their Grandma, it would be acceptable.
I couldn’t believe what they were saying to me. If Gran thinks the birds and fish are the same ones she left, she’ll be happy. What’s wrong with that?? If she knows that her yellow budgie flew the coop and possibly bought the farm, while a guppy went to Davie Jones’ locker she’ll be upset. Somehow they deem that better than to have her happily uninformed.
Did I miss the train or something? I think everyone is crazy but me. That’s what the comment section is for. You tell me.