An exerpt from my journal while living off the land….
As some of you know, I received an inheritance when I was 21 and set forth in 1995 on an awesome journey. I was away for a few years and traveled over 26 states, just me and my car, and sometimes, I would venture out so far into nature…I would loose my direction and loose my car, lol, for days sometimes! That’s okay, I can find water in a desert….
I spent most all my inheritance on others spent only approx $2,500 on myself (mostly gas) There were times however, I was alone…REALLY alone, and on the other side of the country from the family I knew. I kept a “journal” and back then, I was quit into literature, lol, so my writings are more metaphoric …This particular piece in in 1995, I spend alot longer than I planned to cross Wyoming, and Wyoming is VAST and BORING, towns population 16….12, I even passed a town population 2!! This is when I finally entered Oregon and worked my way to the shore, and town. mind you….I am a 21 year old blond athletic girl at the time, meaning I had to remain shy in public ( to a point) for my safety……Thanks for reading! XXOO
Calm stern ever present, flinching fist around a half fulll glass with an empty frown. Misery are the letters I write, then, by coach I fled to the ocean. I swoon, I spin, I swim in the unsung lullabies, unsung until the present—– and joy misty cage, musk, perfume, castle stones, wooden steeples. Dance the monkeys and dunce the angels, every letter has a cry. Voices trail out, ancient, silent, blood thirsty, bring it in.
The current bobs, clouds assemble into thunder fists, assassin winds are sent from distant mountains to thwart my attempt at divinity.—- The chase through the country side begins in the meadows and the skunk grass, blazing through. Amber waves of burning grain, traversing huge hairy hills past dimly lit cottages, pasted concrete of pasted dynasty. SPONTANEOUS –the sins of man kind burn through the veil—–
All balance and tension explodes in one ecstatic cresendo.
Boots grow wings
What is this fever? —– go——- no more questions – – – slap – – -Cresendo colored, daster drain, roll reslentless, kickin in all directions, dig your nails into your palms , and your teeth into the soil.
At last comes a release (breaking water) and the brown spectrum of wood returns…then water ripples coasting in meditation at a barred window ~~~ and the slow looping descent, silver pedals sweat high in the mist in a portal of the tower. Oil lamps flicker, the burlap is warm. Cool dew is collected in a champagne glass. I’m visited by an angel and we speak not with our lips—- gestures wholly complete, wisperes assembled for mass. Beyond the new dream, there is a crimson lounge—- I can hear the voodoo, smell the black leather coats sliding on those behinds. The new dream is the down train lulling stupor to savor miles surpassed that return to the tides’ waves. The “train” stops and I unboard the train. I walk to the cliffs and I sit on the last truft of grass and the edge of the earth.
The ocean is a vast undulating illusion, it seems. I can feel my heart rest somewhere on the slow blue bottom, I fall slowly, carress the roaring breath of the shore—- lilt swoon beneath a breathless blue moon…
I pound out the frantic call and the steady refrain, excitement dances with thoughts of escape, ripped silk, screaching curtains, I’m consumed with the fighting frenzie of a newly spawned zygote in the thunderous cosmic mist, hurl the thrushing alarm with my naked fist—- and relax to unfurl the song —– O the sustained suntanned groove moves across this silent “room” and back again. The thin hands pale as the bones themselves slunk around the delicate stalk of a cocktail glass (life)….DRINK.
So here, the chill, the knowledge —– I’ve been had. Murderous salty waves all wash away at the barnacled sea walls…..