sometimes paranoia is justified
it may sound like paranoia, but I strongly suspect it to be true–one or both of my co-workers probably has a friend who needs a job…but first they have to get rid of me…when I started I was told I had two hours to do “X” amount of “stuff”…I found it difficult at least; I KNOW there are shortcuts, but I’m not sure what those shortcuts are…Yesterday my supervisor added TWO things to my “to do” list…IMHO this is a blatant attempt to get me to rebel/quit…my supervisor’s Boss owns the Company we work for, HE hired me…He and I have been friends for a few years…So for one of the few times in my Life, *I* benefit from “crony-ism”…It’s understandable that my Supervisor and/or 2 (?) co-workers would be at the very least annoyed that the owner would hire somebody w/o checking with them first (if that is in fact, the case) so again although it may seem like paranoia to you (because it is) that doesn’t mean I’m wrong…so it’s only taken about a month to get disenchanted with the job (sigh)…
I have a job interview later today…for most of my “adult” life I have (when job hunting especially) engaged in “what if”–perhaps this is a hallmark of depression, I don’t know…I’ve been told that these “what ifs” are pointless or at least unrealistic…STILL I say this: IF I were offered a job on the condition that I start TOMORROW, would I quit the job I have w/o giving two weeks notice? In spite of the fact that the Company owner has been a friend of mine, I believe the answer is “yes”…Math is not my strong suit but I believe it’s costing me $12 a day to go to work using Public Transportation…So I’m working approximately 1hr and 20 minutes for free for each day I go in…and the work itself is quite physical…and btw, there are no benefits…so again I say that while I may in fact BE blessed, I sure as hell don’t FEEL blessed…
ADDENDUM–the interview went like just about every job interview I’ve ever had; I am left with no clear indication as to whether I left a good or bad impression with the interviewer…I could know something in about a week…
my concept of a Supreme Being may be more Eastern than Western, which means (I think) that there is no singular Universal Supervisor…especially one who hates gay people and punishes us for sexual self-gratification…and I don’t know if the Eastern philosophies consider prayer to be valid and/or essential, nevertheless I will spend some of the next few days praying that I will get the job…in the meantime, I’m starting to hate the one I’ve got now…and I don’t know how I’m gonna get there next week…