same shit different year
Every year I allow myself to get sucked into that whole New Year’s resolution crap…for the past few years it’s been the same one–I vow to keep a lower profile, be more of an introvert, etc. and of course I keep that up for maybe a week and then it’s back to the guy I don’t wanna be…if only my Mind was as fast as my Mouth…
there’s a guy I kinda know, he’s “quirky” to put it nicely…he’s fairly talented Musically…There’s a fair amount of eye rolling when his name gets mentioned…like ALL of humanity, he has issues…he’s a lousy open mic host IMO…I’ve started thinking that some of my so-called friends feel the same way about me–the eye rolling I mean…So I’m starting 2014 feeling (among other things) lonely…I’m working at a dead end job, my health is so-so…I’ve drifted away from watching TV (that’s OK) being on Facebook (VERY OK) and playing Music (NOT at all OK) but I haven’t replaced those activities with any new ones…That Art stuff hasn’t really taken over from Music like I thought it might…If it wasn’t such a hassle for my roomie, MAYBE I would have ended it by now–somehow…a lack of courage is also stopping me…and I wouldn’t want death to hurt…as for a fatal overdose, with my luck I’d probably either take only enough pills to get violently sick or take some combination of pills that cancel each other out and nothing would happen…
ADDENDUM–even in my dreams I fuck up…I dreamt I was walking down the street, it was night…I was carrying two acoustic guitars –I only own one…They weren’t in a gig bag or a case, that’s weird…I see two younger guys coming toward me, they are each carrying an acoustic guitar–no case or gig bag…we go into a rather old building, to a back room…there’s a young girl and a guy about my age…we sit down and one of the younger guys starts playing KEEP ON TRYIN’ by Poco–NOT the most well known song, wouldn’t ya say? After the song is over, everyone (but me) takes out a Music instruction book and plays the assignment…That’s when I realize that I have accidentally “crashed” a guitar class…