FriendBurst Blog

Lets talk about butt wipe shall we?    I mean its a subject everyone is familiar with am I right?  

First off.. what the hell did we use before butt wipe was invented.

*Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages

 *Discarded sheep’s wool in the Viking Age, England

*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal

 *Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick

 *Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog used in the United States

 *Water and your left hand, India

 *Pages from a book, British Lords

 *Coconut shells in early Hawaii

 *Lace was used by French Royalty

 *Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick

 *The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater

 *French Royalty-lace, hemp

 *Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world

 *Defecating in the river was very common internationally

 *Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos

Now a brief history lesson on why toilet paper was invented..

   Ok.. so there is this chick named Mrs Scott.. n shes married to

 a dude named Mr Scott.   They live in the United States.  

   *notice the alternative for buttwipe in the US.

 Mrs Scott.. who I will call Jane, cuz shes dead

 n she dont care what I call her now.. 

 was unhappy in her marriage to Mr Scott who I will call Dick,

because he was a dick and he is dead too so dont spose

he will give a shit if I call him a dick or not.   

ANYHOOTS…

    They fought alla the damn time because Jane was constantly hoggin the bathroom

 readin her Sears n Roebuck catalogs..(the mens undergarment department)

 n doin some nasty things with the alternative toilet paper at the time which  was  a

 corn cob.    

 You can only imagine how bad Dick felt that he was cock blocked by a corn cob n had ta use the river more

 frequently than he would have liked.     Oh how he hated that corn cob.   

So Dick set out to destroy that corn cob once and for all..

remember hes a dick n he could kill a corncob without even blinkin an eye.

   He thought long and hard, n he knew he couldn’t get his wife to move to India,

*note the alternative for buttwipe in India

(he is a cheap dick)

 n he didn’t wanna lose his ass in a divorce settlement,  so he decided to invent

   TOILET PAPER ON A ROLL.

TA-DAAAAAAAAA!!!

TRUE STORY FOLKS… here’s some facts.. 

*USA…1890 – The Scott Paper Company is the first company to manufacture tissue on a roll, specifically for the use of

 toilet paper

  Now you might be askin yourself…  “why am I readin this crap?” 

Did you know….. 

That you spend three years outta your life on the toilet?

*more if you drink beer n eat mexican food

 TRUE STORY FOLKS…heres the facts

According to various studies, the average person spends 3 years on the toilet over the course of a lifetime!

  Now unless you’re like Jane who wound up with a fortune

because she kept her corncob, or you preferr the nice cool

 breeze over a rushing river, or maybe your a dog….

You make good use of Dicks invention.

*This blog dont apply to folks readin it in India.

 However, if you are an employee at the Pentagon

THIS BLOG IS ESPECIALLY FER YOU!

TRUE STORY FOLKS..heres the facts.

“The pentagon uses, on average, about 666 rolls of toilet paper every day.”

I knew them guys were fulla shit.

  Your probably still goin….”why am I readin this crap”

cuz really butt wipe is so five minutes ago when it comes to hot blog

 topics, n you prolly dont work at the pentagon.

  Well I’ll tell ya why…n its as plain as the nose on your face.

CUZ YOU WANT SUBSCRIPTIONS N  BLOG COMMENT NOTIFICATIONS!

 see.. how simple that was?   Betcha knew it all along without me even tellin ya.   I mean how obvious …

DUH RALPH!

TRUE STORY…. here’s some more facts.  

fact number

1  it cost money for a server

2 it cost money for a programmer

3 Kevin n Karen are payin for alla this

4 Kevin n Karen aint reletives a Donald Trump

   There are links at the bottom of the page, or a link directly to the Friendburst store that will give you this………….

We get buttwipe delivered to our door, save money on gas, save our butts from corncob rash, unless of course

we like it,

Kevin n Karen get money to keep themself from starvin

or enjoyin the fresh breeze of a river…

or a cornco…..uh.. scratch that.

 and we get our subscription page with blog comment notifications.     See how simple that is?

   If ya dont have a credit card there are ways a payin through your bank. 

Help Kevin n Karen out by wipin your ass… SIMPLE SIMPLE SIMPLE.

TRUE FUGGIN STORY FOLKS!

*If ya dont have a bank account, or a credit card….. best stick with a corncob, or move to India.

but if ya do… buy what you’re already gonna buy…..

 here

at FriendBurst.

THANKYOU!