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Posted by: Nan Sea Love

The Art of Not Being Offended

By Dr. Jodi Prinzivalli

Who are you allowing to upset your equanimity?

There is an ancient and well-kept secret to happiness which the Great
Ones have known for centuries. They rarely talk about it, but they use
it all the time, and it is fundamental to good mental health. This
secret is called The Fine Art of Not Being Offended. In order to truly
be a master of this art, one must be able to see that every statement,
action and reaction of another human being is the sum result of their
total life experience to date.

In other words, the majority of people in our world say and do what they
do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to
survive. Most of it, even when aimed directly at us, has nothing to do
with us. Usually, it has more to do with all the other times, and in
particular the first few times, that this person experienced a similar
situation, usually when they were young.

Yes, this is psychodynamic. But let’s face it, we live in a world where
psychodynamics are what make the world go around. An individual who
wishes to live successfully in the world as a spiritual person really
needs to understand that psychology is as spiritual as prayer. In fact,
the word psychology literally means the study of the soul.

All of that said, almost nothing is personal. Even with our closest
loved ones, our beloved partners, our children and our friends. We are
all swimming in the projections and filters of each other’s life
experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of
life to which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions. This is
not to dehumanize life or take away the intimacy from our relationships,
but mainly for us to know that almost every time we get offended, we
are actually just in a misunderstanding.

A true embodiment of this idea actually allows for more intimacy and
less suffering throughout all of our relationships. When we know that we
are just the one who happens to be standing in the right place at the
right psychodynamic time for someone to say or do what they are doing—we
don’t have to take life personally. If it weren’t us, it would likely
be someone else.

This frees us to be a little more detached from the reactions of people
around us. How often do we react to a statement of another by being
offended rather than seeing that the other might actually be hurting? In
fact, every time we get offended, it is actually an opportunity to
extend kindness to one who may be suffering—even if they themselves do
not appear that way on the surface. All anger, all acting out, all
harshness, all criticism, is in truth a form of suffering. When we
provide no Velcro for it to stick, something changes in the world. We do
not even have to say a thing. In fact, it is usually better not to say a
thing.

People who are suffering on the inside, but not showing it on the
outside, are usually not keen on someone pointing out to them that they
are suffering. We do not have to be our loved one’s therapist. We need
only understand the situation and move on. In the least, we ourselves
experience less suffering and at best, we have a chance to make the
world a better place.

This is also not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt,
neglected or taken advantage of. True compassion does not allow harm to
ourselves either. But when we know that nothing is personal, a magical
thing happens. Many of the seeming abusers of the world start to leave
our lives. Once we are conscious, so-called abuse can only happen if we
believe what the other is saying. When we know nothing is personal, we
also do not end up feeling abused. We can say, “Thank you for sharing,”
and move on. We are not hooked by what another does or says, since we
know it is not about us.

When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another
says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously.
And if necessary, we can just walk away without creating more misery for
ourselves or having to convince the other person that we are good and
worthy people.

The great challenge of our world is to live a life of contentment,
regardless of what other people do, say, think or believe. The fine art
of not being offended is one of the many skills for being a practical
mystic. Though it may take a lifetime of practice, it is truly one of
the best kept secrets for living a happy life.

Before you get upset by something someone says online, consider the source!

People and things are not always as they appear, especially on-line.