FriendBurst Blog

I’ve made one…ONE…New Years Resolution in my life…and that was…~Never to make another New Years Resolution~…and I’ve kept it!

Now really…think about it…*points to head*…if I would have made a New Years Resolution every year…that would mean I have given up something FUN…or…TASTY…54 TIMES! If I were to give up 54 FUN…or…TASTY actions or consumables…why…what point would there be in living? By now I couldn’t eat anything I enjoy and couldn’t do anything I find pleasurable…I would have lost all of them in New Years Resolutions!

Think about 54 times…really…think about it. Right this second choose 54 actions…or…consumables you will put on The New Years Eve chopping block. No no no…not 5 or 10…54! What would you have left to live for? And no…you don’t get to give up red M&Ms one year then brown M&Ms the next…don’t try to get around this dilemma like that…just don’t! We all know damn well…don’t play stupid with me…we all know that a REAL New Years Resolution has to be…HAS TO BE…something one holds sacred and dear…such as…cigarettes…Ahhh ha ha haaa…yeah….it only counts with something you will miss! 50 fucking 4 somethings you will miss! Give up cigarettes for New Years…*snorts*…Ah ha ha ha…I crack myself up.

Does the New Years Resolution exist to destroy you? Make your life a dreary struggling nerve wracking mess?

Let’s face it…most New Years Resolutions will never…NEVER…be kept. You know when you’re making them you’ll never honor said resolutions. And what do you have then? Huh? WHAT? GUILT! That’s what! Almost all year long…after all you will keep those resolutions for a week or two…all most all year long you will suffer the guilt of being a New Years Resolution failure! LOSER! 54 years of feeling like a New Years Resolution failure? JESUS…it’s not a wonder people are dropping from strokes and heart attacks! 54 years of FAILURE…GUILT? That’s crazy! Why do that to yourself? Don’t you have enough stress in your life? Do you really need to add to it?!

Alright…alright…ALRIGHT…one could make a New Years Resolution something charitable…such as…brushing bums teeth…BUT AGAIN…think about piling up 54 charitable actions. When would you work? How would you pay your bills? You’d be doing nothing but New Years Resolutions every second of every day. You’d wake up and briskly start brushing bums teeth…then move on to foliating Crackheads…then move on to petting stray cats and/or dogs…then move on to…then move on to…then move on to…54 fucking times every day! There’d be no time for anything else…it just doesn’t work!

Where did this New Years Resolution business come from? Who thought this up? Is this some kind of pagan thing? Mayans? Did the goddamn Mayans do it? Those Mayans are pranksters…2012…*chortles*…that’s a good one! I really liked the whole spaceship in the tail of the comet one too…HEY…was it those nutty bastards that came up with The New Years Resolution?!

In closing…be good to yourself…make this years New Years Resolution to never make another New Years Resolution…you’ll be happier!