FriendBurst Blog

Let me start by saying that I am totally in favor of election reform.  I firmly believe that a proportional representation system for our legislatures, be they state or Federal, would greatly improve our democracy.  Proportional representation is quite simple: Let’s say you’re electing a 100 member legislature, divided between 10 districts, each with 10 members to be elected. If one party gets 50% of the vote, they get 5 of those 10 seats.  If a party can get 10% of the vote in one of those districts, they get one member to sit in the legislature, as they’ve shown to represent a significant proportion of voters.

This kind of democracy is not unknown in the world; it’s how they do it in Australia, for example.  Alas, it’s never been tried in the USA, but I think it should.

Maybe it might happen here in King County, Washington.  We’ve already shown that we are not afraid to tinker with democratic traditions.  For example, our primary voting system is probably different than what your county does.  We have an open, “top two” system.  The primary election is not separated by party.  All the candidates get lumped together in a single primary, and whichever two get the most votes, they go head-to-head in November.

I think this makes sense and results in elections more representative of the will of the people.  My only problem with it is that I only get to vote for one person.  What I’d rather see is the ability to vote for the TWO candidates I’d like to see square off in the general in November.  My second vote would certainly go to the following candidates…

Apparently, if you’re going to have an open primary like this, you have to make it pretty easy to get on the ballot.  Who knows?  You may see “Joko” of the “FriendBurst Party” on a future ballot…

On every page of my voter pamphlet that I received yesterday, our election officials are explicit in informing us:

For US Senator, I am torn between a couple of candidates.

How can one NOT be impressed by the official photo of Mr Will Baker?  Is that a smile or a scowl?  It’s sort of both! THAT is what we need in an elected official!  Too many candidates put on a fake plastic smile to earn your trust, whereas Will Baker shows us what he is all about just with his facial expression, i.e., I AM A CRAZY ANGRY NUTCASE WHO WANTS TO MAKE WAR ON IRAN YESTERDAY!!!  That kind of honesty is refreshing, and exactly what we need in Washington DC.

Furthermore, candidate Baker shows us how he is not restrained by the rules of consistency.  He tells us in consecutive paragraphs that the number one priority of the 2012 elections should be two different things!  THAT is the kind of flexibility we need in an elected official.
Lastly, candidate Baker points out the connection between Jimmy Carter and the 9/11 attacks. Who else is brave enough to make this obvious connection?

Alas, I am not 100% committed to my support for Will Baker as my second choice.

There is another candidate, more closely tied to my Progressive roots, one who knows a lot about roots.  Who in Congress could we trust to deal with important issues how to handle the discoloration of roots?

We absolutely need a hairdresser in Congress!  The European economic crisis will continue to be a major factor in our economic fate in this decade.  We need a senator who has been trained in Europe.  Timmy (Doc) Wilson is that hairdresser. He trained at the Vidal Sassoon academy in London. Moreover, he has tremendous regard for our “brave boys” overseas.  I’m sure he probably cares about the women killed in service to our country too.

Doc Timmy is also endorsed by our brave gay Friendburst contingent, Mango Chutney and Hyper Intellect. May they come back to dispute this endorsement.
We move on now to the race for Congress in the US House of Representatives.  I happen to live in a district represented by the Honorable Jim McDermott, a real stand up guy who represents Progressive values as well as anyone in Congress.

That said, why can’t we also make room for Goodspaceguy?  Yes, we need representatives in Washington DC who go by a single name! Down with the tyranny of FIRST and LAST names!  Goodspaceguy is truly a man of the 21st Century, if not the 22nd or 23rd!
The minimum wage? Who needs it!?! Strike down that archaic regulation!

Furthermore, what we really need is education about orbital space colonies for the members of Congress.  Goodspaceguy is just the man to make that happen!

It just so happens that my district is voting for TWO congressional seats this August.  We have the primary for the election in November, but simultaneously, we are having a special election to fill a vacant seat for a term of one month.  Who wouldn’t want to be a Congressman for a month?!?  Lifetime benefits for being sitting in Congress all for just one month of service?  We’re not even asking for one weekend a month going forward!

I think this special election seat is of the utmost importance!  For which I am endorsing the one candidate who didn’t get her picture in and is apparently kind of lonely because she wants you to e-mail her!

E-mail Ruth Morrison and vote for her to severe (sic) our country!

Now, onto the race for Governor of our great state of Washington.  Here, I have to endorse another politician who shows the leadership of not getting their picture into the voter pamphlet. Max Sampson shows the courage to use sentence fragments!  He is not bound by the conventions of English grammar, and that is the kind of bold maverickicity we be needing in Olympia. One, long run-on paragraph as your candidate statement. With the high price of gas, food, shelter, heat and electricity.  The common man.  The government needs debt counseling. What we need in the state capital is a man who understands what is wrong in Washington, DC. See, our state shares the same name as the capitol of our country, so someone who makes statements about what is wrong in Washington is perfect to be the governor.  Best of all, he is mechanically inclined. That’s what we need in a governor.  He can fix the plumbing in Olympia, metaphorically and literally.

Lastly, we have the race for Lieutenant Governor.

Make no mistake, the Lt. Gov. plays a critical role in our state government.  I couldn’t tell you exactly what that is, suffice to say that I am sure it’s important.

I am just as sure in telling you that the FIENDISH FLOURIDATORS need to be stopped!  The John Birch Society got it right back in the 60’s: flouridating our water is an evil plot by the corporations and our government to enfeeble the masses and make millions at tax payers expense!

Did you ever wonder why only 4 out 5 dentists recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum?  It’s because 1 in 5 dentists are smart enough to stand with James Robert Deal!

Here is a man brave enough to use his position as Lieutenant Governor to stand up against the evils of Big Flouride.  Here is a man brave enough to stroke his beard in his official headshot!

Washington needs James Robert Deal!

Lastly, for President of the United States, I’m probably voting for Obama, but if I change my mind, I will be writing in the most impressive candidate in my entire King County Voter Pamphlet, the honorable Mike the Mover.

The Mover for President!