{"id":109473,"date":"2013-08-02T17:41:47","date_gmt":"2013-08-02T21:41:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/109473\/i-dont-know-where-to-start\/"},"modified":"2026-11-01T16:44:53","modified_gmt":"2026-11-01T16:44:53","slug":"i-dont-know-where-to-start","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/109473\/i-dont-know-where-to-start\/","title":{"rendered":"I don&#8217;t know where to start&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"color: #050504;font-family: georgia, times, serif;font-size: 17px;line-height: 30.59375px;background-color: #fdfcf8\"> It has been a painful journey.\u00a0 It is one of great loss caused by following idealism,love \u00a0and values. Lost a husband after a long sickness ..thought he was the love of my life &#8230;then then love come again ..marriage .. then been abandon ..because he dont like the sacrifice of \u00a0what a family brings &#8230;The pain is enormous&#8230;..\u00a0 So where does one start when he fears, through recalling a relentless saga of painful memories for the purpose of sharing with others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #050504;font-family: georgia, times, serif;font-size: 17px;line-height: 30.59375px;background-color: #fdfcf8\">I am no longer the confidant person I once was.\u00a0 I feel that I am a failure, although I know factually that I did not cause my losses; they are deeply embedded emotions which drive my distorted perceptions about me as well as others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"border: 0px;margin: 0px 0px 18px;padding: 0px;background-color: #fdfcf8;vertical-align: baseline;color: #050504;font-family: georgia, times, serif;font-size: 17px;line-height: 30.59375px\">Change is hard.\u00a0 It&#8217;s easier to sit back and feel sorry for myself instead of doing something about it.\u00a0 I am trapped behind a wall.\u00a0 A wall I built years ago to keep people out and protect myself.\u00a0 Now I&#8217;m trapped behind that wall and don&#8217;t know how to get out.<\/p>\n<p style=\"border: 0px;margin: 0px 0px 18px;padding: 0px;background-color: #fdfcf8;vertical-align: baseline;color: #050504;font-family: georgia, times, serif;font-size: 17px;line-height: 30.59375px\">I have one close friend but a age difference no close family and have battled depression in the past.\u00a0 I have a job but it&#8217;s in my home.. \u00a0I don&#8217;t even know what I want to do with my life and at my age I think that&#8217;s pretty sad.\u00a0 Sometimes I feel like I&#8217;m just sitting by watching my life go by and counting down the days until it&#8217;s finally over and I can be free.\u00a0 I laugh and smile but it&#8217;s all fake.\u00a0 At the end of the day I&#8217;m still alone and empty inside.\u00a0 There&#8217;s this huge pit inside me.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know how to get to know people.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know how to let people get close to me without running the other way.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know how to move forward.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t want to be like this.<\/p>\n<p style=\"border: 0px;margin: 0px 0px 18px;padding: 0px;background-color: #fdfcf8;vertical-align: baseline;color: #050504;font-family: georgia, times, serif;font-size: 17px;line-height: 30.59375px\">I want to be happy.<\/p>\n<p style=\"border: 0px;margin: 0px 0px 18px;padding: 0px;background-color: #fdfcf8;vertical-align: baseline;color: #050504;font-family: georgia, times, serif;font-size: 17px;line-height: 30.59375px\">But i dont know where to start..<a href=\"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/2054077804716-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-109479\" title=\"2054077804716 (1)\" src=\"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/2054077804716-1-239x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"239\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It has been a painful journey.\u00a0 It is one of great loss caused by following idealism,love \u00a0and values. Lost a husband after a long sickness ..thought he was the love of my life &#8230;then then love come again ..marriage .. then been abandon ..because he dont like the sacrifice of \u00a0what a family brings &#8230;The [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-109473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-other"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109473","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=109473"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109473\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":116603,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109473\/revisions\/116603"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=109473"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=109473"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=109473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}