{"id":16145,"date":"2011-02-14T18:39:23","date_gmt":"2011-02-14T23:39:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/16145\/true-story-folks-about-butt-wipe\/"},"modified":"2026-11-01T16:44:52","modified_gmt":"2026-11-01T16:44:52","slug":"true-story-folks-about-butt-wipe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/16145\/true-story-folks-about-butt-wipe\/","title":{"rendered":"TRUE STORY FOLKS…ABOUT BUTT WIPE!!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lets talk about butt wipe shall we?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I mean its a subject everyone is familiar with am I right?\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

First off.. what the hell did we\u00a0use before butt wipe was invented.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

*Hayballs, Scraper\/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Discarded sheep’s wool in the Viking Age, England<\/p>\n

*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog used in the\u00a0United States<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Water and your left hand, India<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Pages from a book, British Lords<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Coconut shells in early Hawaii<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Lace was used by French Royalty<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick<\/p>\n

\u00a0*The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater<\/p>\n

\u00a0*French Royalty-lace, hemp<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Defecating in the river was very common internationally<\/p>\n

\u00a0*Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span>\n<\/p>\n

Now a brief history lesson on why toilet paper was invented.. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n\u00a0\u00a0 Ok.. so there is this chick named Mrs Scott.. n shes married to<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0a dude named Mr Scott.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>They live in the United <\/span><\/span>States.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0*notice the\u00a0alternative for buttwipe in the\u00a0US.<\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Mrs Scott..\u00a0who I will call Jane, cuz shes dead<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0n she dont care what I call her now..\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0was unhappy in <\/span><\/span>her marriage to Mr Scott who I will call Dick, <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

because he was a dick<\/em> and he is dead too so dont spose <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

he will give a shit if <\/span><\/span>I call him a dick or not.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

ANYHOOTS…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They fought alla the damn time because Jane was constantly hoggin the bathroom<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0readin her Sears n Roebuck catalogs..<\/span><\/span>(the mens\u00a0undergarment department)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span>n doin some nasty things with the alternative toilet paper at the time which\u00a0 was<\/span><\/span>\u00a0 a<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0corn cob.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0You can only imagine how bad Dick felt that he was cock blocked by a corn cob n had ta use the river more<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0frequently than he would have liked.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh how he hated that corn cob.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So Dick set out to destroy that corn cob once <\/span><\/span>and for all..<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

remember hes a dick n he could kill a corncob without even blinkin an eye. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 He thought long and hard, n he knew he couldn’t get his wife to move to India,<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

*note the alternative for buttwipe in India<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

(he is a cheap dick)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0n he didn’t wanna lose his ass in a divorce <\/span><\/span>settlement, \u00a0so he decided to invent <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 TOILET PAPER ON A ROLL.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

TA-DAAAAAAAAA!!!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

TRUE STORY FOLKS…<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0here’s some facts..<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

*USA\u20261890 – The Scott Paper Company is the first company to manufacture tissue on a roll, specifically for the use of<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0toilet paper<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0Now you might be askin yourself…\u00a0 “why am I readin this crap?”\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Did you know…..\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

That you spend three years outta your life on the toilet?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

*more if you drink beer n eat mexican food<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0TRUE STORY FOLKS…heres the facts<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

According to various studies, the average person spends 3 years on the toilet over the course of a lifetime!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 Now unless you’re like Jane who wound up with a fortune <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

because she kept her corncob, or you preferr the nice cool<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0breeze <\/span><\/span>over a rushing river, or maybe your a dog…. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

You make good use of Dicks invention. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

*This blog dont apply to folks readin it in India.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0However, if you are an employee at the Pentagon <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

THIS BLOG IS\u00a0ESPECIALLY\u00a0FER YOU!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

TRUE STORY FOLKS..heres the facts.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

“The pentagon uses, on average, about 666 rolls of toilet paper every day.”<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I knew them guys were fulla shit. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 Your probably still goin….”why am I readin this crap” <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

cuz really butt wipe is so five minutes ago when it comes to hot blog<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0topics, n you prolly dont work at the pentagon. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 Well I’ll tell ya why…n its as plain as the nose on your face. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

CUZ YOU WANT SUBSCRIPTIONS N\u00a0 BLOG COMMENT NOTIFICATIONS!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0see.. how simple that was?\u00a0\u00a0 Betcha knew it all along without me even tellin ya.\u00a0\u00a0 I mean how obvious … <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

DUH RALPH!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

TRUE STORY…. here’s some more facts. <\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

fact number<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

1\u00a0 it cost money for a server<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

2 it cost money for a programmer<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

3 Kevin n Karen are payin for alla this<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

4 Kevin n Karen aint reletives a Donald Trump<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 There are links at the bottom of the page, or a link directly to the Friendburst store that will give you this………….<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

We get buttwipe delivered to our door, save money on gas, save our butts from corncob rash, unless of course <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\":mrgreen:\" we like it<\/span>,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Kevin n Karen get money to keep themself from starvin<\/span><\/p>\n

or enjoyin the fresh breeze of\u00a0a river…<\/span><\/p>\n

or\u00a0a cornco…..uh.. scratch that. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0and we get our subscription page with blog comment notifications.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 See how simple that is? <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 If ya dont have a credit card there are ways a payin through your bank.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Help Kevin n Karen out by wipin your ass… SIMPLE SIMPLE SIMPLE.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

TRUE FUGGIN STORY FOLKS!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

*If ya dont have a bank account,\u00a0or a credit card…..\u00a0best stick with <\/span>a corncob, or move to India. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

but if ya do… buy what you’re already gonna buy…..<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0here<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

at FriendBurst.<\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

THANKYOU!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lets talk about butt wipe shall we?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I mean its a subject everyone is familiar with am I right?\u00a0\u00a0 First off.. what the hell did we\u00a0use before butt wipe was invented. \u00a0 \u00a0 *Hayballs, Scraper\/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages \u00a0*Discarded sheep’s wool in the Viking Age, England *Frayed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-other"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16145"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16145\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":116509,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16145\/revisions\/116509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}