{"id":63326,"date":"2011-09-15T22:13:04","date_gmt":"2011-09-16T02:13:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/63326\/monkey-butts-knocking-ladies\/"},"modified":"2011-09-15T22:13:04","modified_gmt":"2011-09-16T02:13:04","slug":"monkey-butts-knocking-ladies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/63326\/monkey-butts-knocking-ladies\/","title":{"rendered":"Monkey Butts Knocking Over Little Old Ladies"},"content":{"rendered":"

At any job, there are some basic rules specific to the line of work being done.\u00a0 These go beyond the basic get-to-work-on-time, don\u2019t-steal-from-the-company and do-what-the-boss-asks type rules that are universal to all workplaces and directly relate to what the individual is doing.<\/font><\/p>\n

\"\"For example, somewhere in the basic training of Rite-Aid Drug Store cashiera there must be something about not blurting out the names of potentially embarrassing personal care products placed on the counter by a customer to purchase.<\/font><\/p>\n

Okay, maybe it isn\u2019t specifically mentioned in their training, but it\u2019s just common sense that they shouldn\u2019t say things like:<\/font><\/p>\n

\u201cAdult Diapers?\u00a0 Are you having leaking problems, Mr Johnson?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cMassengill Douche?\u00a0 Not feeling fresh?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em> <\/em>\u201cCONDOMS!\u00a0 Woohoo!\u00a0 Congratulations!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Not <\/strong>doing this would seem to me to be Working-At-A-Drug-Store 101!<\/p>\n

See, I still haven\u2019t invested as much as I need to into Moosehammer\u2019s Magical Anti-Chafing Underwear, and today was particularly painful with lots of moving around all day, in a warm store, thighs rubbing together\u2026 yes, my uncomfortable chafing problems continue.\u00a0 I decided I would pick up some GoldBond Medicated Powder on my way home to see if a sprinkle on the crotch and in the undies might alleviate my symptoms going forward.<\/p>\n

\"\"They were sold out of the GoldBond brand, but right next to the empty spot on the shelf was another product which looked to be exactly what I needed.<\/p>\n

Yes, Anti-Monkey-Butt powder.\u00a0 That’s a picture of the actual product.<\/p>\n

Right now, I am enjoying the cool, soothing dryness of a crotch coated in anti-Monkey Butt powder.<\/p>\n

Not without a bit of embarrassment first.\u00a0 Mind you, it is sort of a funny looking package with the cartoon monkey and all, but did the cashier really need to pick it up, smile and inquire of me, \u201cMONKEY BUTT?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d I told her, ashamed, unable to look her in the eye, \u201cMonkey butt.\u00a0 I tell you, it is not fun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe I deserved it this afternoon, for this morning, I broke a rule of appliance moving.\u00a0 See, at my new job, I spend almost as much time moving, loading and unloading appliances as I do selling them.\u00a0 I\u2019m part-salesman, part-warehouse worker.\u00a0 That\u2019s just the nature of the job.\u00a0 \"\"Today, I was bringing a gigantic 26 cubic foot side-by-side fridge out to a customer\u2019s car, and as I was heading down a back aisle coming out of the stockroom, peering over the right side of the fridge to see where I was going, I heard a distressing noise.<\/p>\n

\u201cBWAALALLAAHH OOOOHHH!!! BWAAAH!!!\u201d<\/font><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cSTOP!! STOP!! STOP!!\u201d An elderly man yells to me as he comes running down the aisle.\u00a0 I re-balance the fridge on the hand truck and peer around the left side, where my blind spot had been.\u00a0 There, was a little old lady sprawled out on the concrete where I had flattened her with the 300-pound fridge.\u00a0 Damn.\u00a0 Never done THAT before!<\/p>\n

\"\"I put down the fridge and begin my profuse apologies.\u00a0 The woman is almost crying.\u00a0 OMG.. Have I broken her hip.\u00a0 She gets to her feet, shaken, but otherwise not broken.\u00a0 Still, I call the manager and get him over as quickly as possible to take over.\u00a0 I\u2019ve worked retail for almost 20 years, and although I\u2019ve come close to doing things that might have injured a customer, I\u2019ve never been directly responsible for knocking an old lady to the ground like that.
\nI felt terrible.<\/p>\n

What was the basic rule I broke, but will never do so again?\u00a0 Always walk the really big appliances BACKWARDS on a hand truck.\u00a0 It\u2019s harder, slower and awkward feeling, but as ironic as it may sound, you see a lot better walking backwards than forwards due to the whole blindspot thing.\u00a0 If there\u2019s a little old lady crouching down to get stuff from the bottom shelf,\u00a0 I\u2019ll see her next time.<\/p>\n

She ended up not needing any medical treatment, but I may get \u201cwritten up\u201d for this, but like the lady at Rite-Aid, I forgot a basic training thing about in my job today.<\/p>\n

<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At any job, there are some basic rules specific to the line of work being done.\u00a0 These go beyond the basic get-to-work-on-time, don\u2019t-steal-from-the-company and do-what-the-boss-asks type rules that are universal to all workplaces and directly relate to what the individual is doing. For example, somewhere in the basic training of Rite-Aid Drug Store cashiera there […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,28,10],"tags":[895,4254,4253,81,4252],"class_list":["post-63326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-business","category-health","category-life","tag-business-2","tag-chafing","tag-drug-store","tag-joko","tag-real-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63326"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63326\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}