{"id":69266,"date":"2011-10-30T13:43:24","date_gmt":"2011-10-30T17:43:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/69266\/don\/"},"modified":"2011-10-30T13:43:24","modified_gmt":"2011-10-30T17:43:24","slug":"don","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/69266\/don\/","title":{"rendered":"They don’t take kindly to Halloween down here."},"content":{"rendered":"

Looks like the crusaders came out with pitch forks and torches just in time for Halloween.\u00a0 In keeping with the spirit of the season, I thought I’d outline a few of the witch hunts that go one down here in my neck of The Bible Belt.<\/font><\/p>\n

First of all, if you’re an independent contractor, you’d better be Christian.\u00a0 Otherwise you will lose business or you will be driven out of business.\u00a0 Example from waaay back in the day:<\/font><\/p>\n

RING! RING!<\/font><\/p>\n

MH:\u00a0 Moosehammer’s Signs.\u00a0 How can I help you?<\/font><\/p>\n

Maynard McJesusguy:\u00a0 I need a sign.<\/font><\/p>\n

MH:\u00a0 I’d be glad to be of service…<\/font><\/p>\n

Maynard McJesusguy:\u00a0 Are you a Christian?\u00a0 ‘Cause I only do business with Christians.<\/font><\/p>\n

MH:\u00a0 Um, sure.\u00a0 Now about that sign.<\/font><\/p>\n

Maynard McJesusguy:\u00a0 Well, what church do you go to?\u00a0 You see I have to make sure you’re really a Christian before I can go any further…<\/font><\/p>\n

Two days later and after wasting hours and dollars on design work and gas, the guy swipes my design work during a consultation visit and pays someone in his church to paint it onto a board because I wasn’t a Southern Baptist and not “Christian enough”.<\/font><\/p>\n

This type of thing was a normal occurrence when dealing with bible thumpers.\u00a0 They see no sin in ripping off “heathens” or treating them like total shit.<\/font><\/p>\n

Oh, if I had a dollar for every time a Pastor screamed and cussed me out for not giving him “Jesus’ price!”
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If you can’t out-Jesus the Jesus-ers, you’re pretty much screwed.\u00a0 It’s impossible to meet people or have a normal conversation with a stranger without being asked which church you go to and being judged accordingly.
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Now for Halloween.<\/font><\/p>\n

The locals churchgoers don’t like Halloween.\u00a0 We’ve heard some of them refer to it as The Devil’s Birthday.\u00a0 Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, but then look at who it’s coming from.<\/font><\/p>\n

So the city decides each year to move Halloween to the most inconvenient weekday possible in order to discourage heathens from enjoying Halloween.\u00a0 Usually they throw it onto a Thursday or a Monday since those are school nights that don’t interfere with the mandatory Sunday and Wednesday church nights.\u00a0 There’s no way in hell they’ll allow Halloween to take place on a Friday or Saturday night.\u00a0 It might enable fun or some shit like that.<\/font><\/p>\n

Then the local churches pick up the slack to deliver the deathblow.\u00a0 They schedule Fall Festival activities at their churches on whatever night they get the city to reschedule Halloween for.\u00a0 This insures that most of the county stays under church supervision and out of Halloween costumes for the year.<\/font><\/p>\n

There is no freedom from religion in The Bible Belt.\u00a0 You either succumb to it or you live your life in the closet.\u00a0 Or you come out swinging and get oppressed on a daily basis.<\/font><\/p>\n

Happy Halloween
\nto those that get to celebrate it!
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\n<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Looks like the crusaders came out with pitch forks and torches just in time for Halloween.\u00a0 In keeping with the spirit of the season, I thought I’d outline a few of the witch hunts that go one down here in my neck of The Bible Belt. First of all, if you’re an independent contractor, you’d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,1428,840],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-69266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-other","category-politics-2","category-religion-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=69266"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69266\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=69266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=69266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/friendburst.com\/blog-new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=69266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}