Random Solitude
It had been about 3 months since I made one of these “random” videos. It’s a fun way to do something creative without having to think too much about it. I watched 7 hours or so of NBA basketball today, so that influenced my decision of the music to use for the background.
I make these “random” vids by using dice to randomly pick clips from the contents of my current “My Videos” folder, which I clean up 2 or 3 times per year for space saving. Consequently, these random vids make for nice snapshots of my recent past (including lots of clips from my Christmas down in San Diego, which I still haven’t shared with anyone).
*sigh*
I’ve been in a little bit of a funk this last week or two. One thing about recovering from alcoholism is that certain friends really can’t be part of one’s life anymore. I’m talking about friends who remain heavily involved in chemical use… which was pretty much all of my old friends. I haven’t really replaced that group with new friends, and so I tend to spend a lot of time alone. I’ve found that being a loner is not like many other situations where one just sort of gets used to it over time; the longer this basic social need goes unfulfilled, the harder it gets.
That’s been my reality for some time now, and however pathetic it may sound to whine about not having any friends, there is a certain amount catharsis that comes from that admission. I don’t dwell on it too much, but admitting it helps me face the reality of my situation and can spark changing it. This too shall pass, I tell myself, but the reality is that I need to do more to make it pass. Have a plan. Follow through. Evaluate my efforts.
That, or sign up for NBA League Pass so I can spend all my non-school hours watching basketball.
Speaking from personal experience, it wasn’t a good idea for me to spend a whole lot of time alone. Still bad company. And yeah, the old crew had to go for the very simple reason that I did not fit in anymore and I came to discover that I didn’t want to try. They had nothing I wanted and that was a pretty good feeling, knowing that. I don’t know if I can explain that one any better but it was a big step.
And when in doubt, I try to remember Dean Wormer’s advice to Flounder: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
two outta three ain’t bad.
I love your videos, Joko. Good job on this one! I’m just curious how you pick with dice? LOL
You’ve got a good bit of sobriety now and I am confident that you can handle the time alone. You have many talents that occupy your time. That is a good thing. (((big hug)))
“certain friends really can’t be part of one’s life anymore.”
In truth, I was inclined to copy and paste the entire written portion of this entry, but for the sake of tl;dr, I settled for this line. I just needed it to support the following observation:
You know what the f*ck you’re talking about on this. I know you all ready knew that; now I know it too.
Hi, Joko. I never was a big drinker, but I loved going to clubs, and I guess I reached the point that I felt like I had outgrown that part of my life. What I did notice was that those who I believed to be my friends never came around anymore. I realized that they were not really friends, but drinking buddies. It gave me a better understanding of what true friendship is. It is those who are there through it all. It is a drastic change to find yourself not with those who had been a part of your life, regardless of how they were in your life. Spending time alone is difficult if it is actually a new experience. Changes don’t come easy, period. Hang in there, my friend. New friends will come along and you will see them as what true friendship actually is. I went through this, just as most people have at one point in their lives. It is an adjustment, and I applaud your efforts with what you are doing. By the way, cool video…
I’m watching porn all day.Nuff said. sports don’t do it for me lol
you aren’t completely alone Joko.. ya have us.
n speaking as one of the “us” croud, I enjoy the hell out of you!
My 9th level Elf knight rolls his twenty sided die to determine if his magic sword can break the chastity belt!
Great video! Great music to go with it too. How much courage you have to give up the drink. That is one of the hardest things to do. Addiction can have such a stranglehold. But isn’t this friendless stage you are in now part of your Dark Night of the Soul? Keep going, it isn’t as bad as you might think.
Great vid Joko, ive said before your my kind of fucked up. I would kill for an NBA season pass. Stay strong mate.