They don’t take kindly to Halloween down here.
Looks like the crusaders came out with pitch forks and torches just in time for Halloween. In keeping with the spirit of the season, I thought I’d outline a few of the witch hunts that go one down here in my neck of The Bible Belt.
First of all, if you’re an independent contractor, you’d better be Christian. Otherwise you will lose business or you will be driven out of business. Example from waaay back in the day:
RING! RING!
MH: Moosehammer’s Signs. How can I help you?
Maynard McJesusguy: I need a sign.
MH: I’d be glad to be of service…
Maynard McJesusguy: Are you a Christian? ‘Cause I only do business with Christians.
MH: Um, sure. Now about that sign.
Maynard McJesusguy: Well, what church do you go to? You see I have to make sure you’re really a Christian before I can go any further…
Two days later and after wasting hours and dollars on design work and gas, the guy swipes my design work during a consultation visit and pays someone in his church to paint it onto a board because I wasn’t a Southern Baptist and not “Christian enough”.
This type of thing was a normal occurrence when dealing with bible thumpers. They see no sin in ripping off “heathens” or treating them like total shit.
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time a Pastor screamed and cussed me out for not giving him “Jesus’ price!”
If you can’t out-Jesus the Jesus-ers, you’re pretty much screwed. It’s impossible to meet people or have a normal conversation with a stranger without being asked which church you go to and being judged accordingly.
Now for Halloween.
The locals churchgoers don’t like Halloween. We’ve heard some of them refer to it as The Devil’s Birthday. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, but then look at who it’s coming from.
So the city decides each year to move Halloween to the most inconvenient weekday possible in order to discourage heathens from enjoying Halloween. Usually they throw it onto a Thursday or a Monday since those are school nights that don’t interfere with the mandatory Sunday and Wednesday church nights. There’s no way in hell they’ll allow Halloween to take place on a Friday or Saturday night. It might enable fun or some shit like that.
Then the local churches pick up the slack to deliver the deathblow. They schedule Fall Festival activities at their churches on whatever night they get the city to reschedule Halloween for. This insures that most of the county stays under church supervision and out of Halloween costumes for the year.
There is no freedom from religion in The Bible Belt. You either succumb to it or you live your life in the closet. Or you come out swinging and get oppressed on a daily basis.
Happy Halloween
to those that get to celebrate it!
Oh, and I just wanted to give a loving shout-out to my buddy Roscoe. I wish he could come show folks in my neck of the woods how REAL Christians live.
Much love to you buddy. I wanna grow up to be like you.
:love:
Know the feeling Ahhhh…love the cartoons 🙂
Have you heard this one?….”Well, if ya ain’t in OUR church-you goin ta Hell”
Yeah the church signs this time of year are something else too…passed one traveling the other day. This church sign was next to a school and said “Satan’s tricks are no treats” What a hoot.
It was so much fun when I was a kid. Before all the silly shit started… We always made popcorn balls to hand out…
lulz@ the cartoons.Yeah,xtians seem very derranged by this Halloween festivity…even here they started with “holy replies”to fightback the “endevilment”.All Churches organise a “Week ofthe Angels” with movies,music,ballet,sockpuppet theatre with baby Jesus and chunky angels and such crap. 🙄
Where I am we don’t have the Christian discrimination so much as the Mormon discrimination. It’s not blatant, but it’s there. Working for, or with, them is an adventure all it’s own. I’ve been told many a time that I’m going to burn for eternity. My response is always a wicked smile with the statement “actually I’m going to take over when I get there” which pretty well ends any further conversation on the subject.
Halloween used to be an all out candy hunting festival for kids here, but then came the media driven “beware of bad people” messages which started putting a damper on the festivities. Now with our foreclosure rate causing at least every other house to be empty on some blocks, trick-or-treating is just not worth doing anymore. Unless you’re will to drive to the rich people’s houses. 😆
I LOVE this post!
I knew things were bad in the SW of our country, but I thought they had progressed quite a bit beyond your description. That’s what I get for thinking.
My condolences for having to live on a Stephen King movie set. (I just LOLed myself all over – what a mess.)
The last two pictures where dead on 😆 !!!!!!!!!! I have same issues here…..I sometimes believe the law is the only thing keeping us safe from them. And let me tell you…I’ve been in business for 22yrs and only been taken advantage of or ripped off…checks bouncing by the ones who proudly display how religious they are. I have one ask…”You are Christians, right? I lied and said yes….good you’ll go long ways in this business if you .”
And one time while trick or treating with my sons a crazy guy was passing out really hateful, evil and scary pamphlets from his church about the true meaning of Halloween according to their meaning interpreted from a bible….me and a few other mothers called the police and reported him and gave them the pamphlets…they walked up to his door and confiscated them all and told him to turn his light off….that he has been warned… 😯 !
Anyway….a big hell yes to your blog ….later! :love:
:love:
Moose, haven’t you learned? While living in the Bible belt, if you aren’t making your pastor rich enough to buy a mansion, you’re not Christian enough!
Oh. Um. I guess that makes me not Christian enough either…
Anyway, they’re party poopers. Maybe I should go there and start teaching them about how Halloween is about All Saints Day, and what not… I really DO have a story about that, but, I promise, I won’t bore you with it… lol.