FriendBurst Blog

My brother in law…The Banker…lost his position last year through a merger…a Headhunter found him a high fahlootin’ new banking position…Big Money…French Bank…the rub you ask? The position is clear across the country in San Francisco! Of course he had to accept said position…there are bills to pay baby…big bills…so now he flies home for a weekend every month or so.

His wife…my sister…The Doktor…needs help shaping up her “Garden” for the coming summer…therefor…yours truly…Mr. Tu…jack of all trades master of none…has been drafted into “Gardening Service”. Now…when I use the moniker “Garden”…what that really means is…a 6 acre Planet Earth! Mother Nature is envious of her…”Garden”. I’m not kidding…she has spent decades and a buttload of cash creating her…”Garden”. My Sunday…all day…went something like this…

Her…”I need you to prune this Red Jewlahlah.”

Me…”Huh?’

Her…”Haven’t you ever pruned a Red Jewlahlah before?”

Me…”No.”

Her…Here…watch me…you take the stems and cut them off right after the buds…*snip snip snip*.”

Me…”Alright…I can handle that.”

Her…I’ll be over there pulling weeds…cut the Red Jewlahlah back a little.”

~10 minutes pass~

Her…”WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Me…”I’m pruning your Red Jewlahlah.”

Her…”NOT LIKE THAT! YOU’RE CUTTING OFF WAY TOO MUCH!”

Me…”I’m doing what you showed me.”

Her…”Give me the pruning shears…I’LL do this…go over where I was and pull weeds.”

Me…”Alright…fine.”

~10 minutes pass~

Her…”WHY ARE YOU PULLING OUT MY AFRICAN BUTTERCUP DAISY BOTTOMS?!”

Me…”These aren’t weeds? They look like weeds.”

Her…”NO…THOSE…ARE MY AFRICAN BUTTERCUP DAISY BOTTOMS!! CAN’T YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?”

Me…”WELL I GUESS NOT! Why don’t you just grow WEEDS? WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE…IT’S ALL GREEN!”

Her…*fuming*…”TAKE…a wheel barrel of mulch up to the pool area and work it into the soil around the Twinkling Blue Chinese Morning Shroud!”

Me…”ALRIGHT!”

~10 minutes pass~

Me…”Which one’s the Twinkling Blue Chinese Morning Shroud?”

Her…*evil eye*…”WELL IT MIGHT BE THE TREE WITH THE LIGHT GREENISH BLUE LEAVES!”

Me…”Oh.”

My brother in law is one smart bastard…