Butt Grease and Squeeze Box
I’ve never truly understood bicycle shorts. I suspected that those who wore them probably did so for some semi-erotic reasons under the pretense of what?… better aerodynamics & freedom of movement? Why else would any self-respecting dude wear what amounts to spandex in public?
I finally understand the function of bicycle shorts. They’re to keep your butt cheeks from chafing! See, it has finally started to feel a little bit like summer here in the Pacific Northwest. We had three consecutive days where temperatures reached into the 70’s (today’s high: 63F)! Of course, it’s much more pleasant to ride one’s bicycle around as I do every day when the weather is nice. There is, unfortunately, one downside: butt sweat. With the sweat comes chafing.
I will spare you a picture in the blog, suffice to say butt chafing is a real pain in the ass.
At my favorite bicycle shop, they even sell something called “butt grease”… and I thought they only sold that in adult book stores.
I’m not sure how I am going to alleviate this rubbing problem. It’s only an issue when the weather is warm and I’m going a good distance. Butt grease? Bicycle shorts under my slacks? I dunno.
In any case, I’m going commando today here on my day off and trying not to move around a lot.
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Another nice relaxing thing I enjoy doing on my day off is playing the ukulele! I think this song came on the store’s muzak yesterday and it kinda got stuck in my head. Squeeze Box by The Who. Thought I’d try my hand at a cover.
Is 41 years too old to start learning to play the accordion? I’d like to learn. It looks like a fun instrument, but it seems like one of those kinds of things that you have to have had forced on you when you were kid to actually learn how to play it. I’m always poking around pawn shops and thrift stores… maybe I’ll find one on the cheap. In 3 days, I get my first actual real paycheck in over a year. Rent is due, and I have a lot of other obligations, but it’s going to be so nice not to be poor all the time.
Mamas got some butt grease, daddy never sleeps at night? Thanks again for your humor. 😉
I think someone may have been doing a little too much self squeezing here young man…..lolololo
Well you could try this I suppose… 🙄 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=manpon&page=3
Either that or wedge a nice big slice of gouda cheese up there,but I would not under any circumstance recommend
roquefort…under of course your trying to make a rather lasting impression…if you catch my drift…
anyways good luck J….:)
d.
Its got notes you can learn it.
On Butt grease, you know anal-eaze comes in flavors.
I was one of those forced to learn accordian at the age of 7. I hated my instructor so I hated having to learn it. By the time I was 12 I had forgotten everything except how to make it squeeze back and forth without pinching myself. I still have the accordian though but it’s a child sized version. I also have my uncle’s old one around here somewhere, but I think that might require more repair than its actually worth.
As I was laughing at your pain I also felt empathy if that helps. Certainly they make some mens underware that would not be as hot as those bicycle shorts. I used to have a customer that would run in those, you could see every vein in his penis. It would have been good since it was rather large and all, but he was probably in his late 60’s if not early 70’s, so the sexy factor wasn’t there. He wore a fanny pack so when he went to get out his money you automatically looked down and it was always laying on his leg. I’m laughing so hard it’s hard to type!! My sister worked in a store about a half mile from mine and the management told him he couldn’t come in there dressed like that. They called him Mr. Weinerman. lol
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I mean am I the only one around here who posts the obvious? Take some responsibility peeps….
When I was cooking for a living, I swore by these:
http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/mens/pid1208118-Men-s-M-Series-6-Boxerjock-174-/1208118-001
They breathe even better than bicycle shorts and do better at preventing butt rash and thunder thigh rash. In my opinion, they’re about three times cooler than bicycle shorts.
LMAO, This was entertaining along with the comments
hahahahaha! no really its not funny…well ok it is… “”butt”” I applaud you for your candor ( no pun intended ) 😛 And well… You play the uke sooo well so why not the accordion??? thanks for the laughs you’re a kewl dude!!
Try a posting on your local Freecycle. You’d be surprised what people have that they are willing to pass onto someone who is wants it.
I see the list for here every day, but don’t put in for anything very often because I don’t ant more “stuff.” But I did pick up a nice leather laptop bag (retail at least $65) and have gotten rid of a few things, dog house, dog beds. This week I picked up a thick “egg crate” foam matress pad that I’m going to use as padding when I ship antlers.
Get on the list. It might be interesting if nothing else.